Day 5: Put Your Energy Where Your Dreams Are

Thursday morning, I was beat.

I slept until almost 6:30 a.m., which is late for me.

After the last few days of fighting with technology, trying to get this video podcast recorded, rearranging clients, staying up way too late thinking about work, and generally doing too much, my body apparently decided we were sleeping.

Fair enough.

I got up, took my progress photo before drinking my water this time—lesson learned—and then drank my first 30 ounces.

After that, I moseyed around for a little while.

And yes, moseyed is the appropriate word.

There was no sprint into productivity this morning.

I had a little coffee, read my ten pages, and eventually got dressed and headed out for my morning walk.

The routine still happened.

Just slower.

And I'm okay with that.

When I got home, I sat down and wrote yesterday's blog.

Then it was time for my morning devotion.

Put Your Energy Where Your Dreams Are

Today's tarot pull was the Page of Swords reversed.

The message I took from it was about trusting my own voice, focusing on what truly matters, and being aware of where I'm putting my energy.

Because your energy blooms where your dreams are.

Or at least...

it should.

That last part became important later.

I've spent most of this week trying to get my first video podcast out.

It hasn't happened.

I've had equipment problems.

Recording problems.

Editing problems.

My ring light broke.

I've recorded.

Deleted.

Rewritten.

Rearranged my schedule.

Thought about it at midnight.

Thought about it when I woke up.

I really do want this.

And since I hadn't been able to get the video podcast done yet, I decided I could at least do something about the space where I'm going to record it.

If I'm Going to Be on Camera, Let's Make It Pretty

I've been wanting to paint my little studio anyway.

The background wasn't quite giving what I wanted it to give on camera, so I decided to paint one wall.

One wall.

That's all.

Naturally...

One wall turned into several hours.

Because apparently nothing I decide will take an hour actually takes an hour.

But I loved watching the room start becoming what I've pictured in my head.

If I'm going to be doing video consistently, I want the space to feel intentional.

I want to sit down to record and like what I see behind me.

I want the room to feel like the podcast.

So painting wasn't completely unrelated to the goal.

It supports it.

But I would realize later that supporting the podcast and actually working on the podcast are not quite the same thing.

Breakfast Was Not My Normal Breakfast

Breakfast was different today too.

Instead of my normal eggs, turkey sausage, avocado, and sourdough at home, I had Starbucks.

Two Bacon & Gruyère Egg Bites and a latte.

Lunch was another easy meal.

One of those Better Bowls from Grocery Outlet with a prepared salad from Hardester's, our local grocery store deli.

I'm genuinely disappointed that Grocery Outlet doesn't seem to have any more of those bowls because they were surprisingly good.

That's the danger of Grocery Outlet.

You find something you love...

And then one day it's gone, never to be seen again.

Thursday Means Clean the House

Thursday is also my big cleaning day.

I know some people love a Sunday reset.

My partner is one of them.

I am not.

I don't want to spend my Sunday deep cleaning the house.

If I've been out of the house working Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday is my reset day so I can actually enjoy my weekend and Sunday.

And when I say I clean on Thursday...

I mean I clean.

First, I dust the living room.

Then I go through the entire house and put everything back where it belongs.

Anything sitting on the floor that can be moved gets moved.

Rugs.

Chairs.

Baskets.

Anything that needs to come up so I can properly sweep and mop underneath it gets piled onto the living room rug.

Then I start.

Top to bottom.

Front to back.

Dust.

Wipe.

Sweep.

Mop.

Bathrooms.

Kitchen.

Everything.

By the time I'm finished, the whole house feels different.

And considering I'd already gone for my walk and spent hours painting...

My body definitely knew I'd been moving all day.

Then Someone Showed Up With Jalapeños

I was almost done cleaning when one of my partner's friends stopped by.

They were coming back from Yosemite and heading farther north, but decided to stop at our house on the way.

And they brought us a jar of pickled jalapeños.

So naturally...

We opened them immediately.

We tasted them and started talking about what they'd be good on.

My first thought was:

Oh my God, these would be so good on a hot dog.

And it just so happened they still had sausages left from their camping trip.

Well.

I guess dinner just planned itself.

We grilled the sausages and put them on buns with the jalapeños, red onion, deli mustard, and a little cheddar cheese.

Corn on the cob on the side.

Was this the dinner I'd planned?

No.

Was it delicious?

Absolutely.

But it was more than that.

It felt like summer.

The grill going.

Corn on the cob.

Someone unexpectedly stopping by.

Standing around tasting things.

Talking.

Laughing.

Putting together a dinner none of us had planned an hour earlier.

It felt like one of those evenings August is supposed to have.

A Defining Moment

I'm reading The Power of Moments right now because I'm interested in how we create experiences people actually remember.

In my podcast.

My yoga classes.

My coaching.

My relationships.

And just in my life.

Tonight was such a simple example.

Nobody planned an event.

We didn't make reservations.

Nobody spent a bunch of money.

Someone stopped by with a jar of jalapeños.

And somehow that became a summer dinner we'll probably remember.

That's what I'm starting to recognize as a defining moment.

Something changes the normal rhythm just enough to make the day stand out.

And I think we underestimate those moments because they're small.

But small doesn't mean insignificant.

A good life probably isn't made entirely out of giant milestones.

It's made out of enough ordinary days that have something memorable tucked inside them.

Today had one.

No Kayaking Today

Thursday was also supposed to be a kayaking day.

But the lake was being treated to keep it clean, clear, and free of all the gross stuff nobody wants growing in the water.

So kayaking was off the table.

Another change of plans.

At this point, this week has basically become one long exercise in letting the intention survive even when the execution changes.

So instead of kayaking...

I ended the evening with yoga.

Again.

And after walking, painting, cleaning the entire house, and being on my feet most of the day, yoga actually sounded pretty damn good.

Slow down.

Stretch.

Breathe.

Move differently.

Close the day.

But Here's the Part I Can't Ignore

It would've been really easy to end today's blog right there.

Beautiful studio wall.

Clean house.

Healthy choices.

Unexpected summer dinner.

A defining moment.

Yoga.

Great day.

And it was a great day.

But there's something else that's true too.

I didn't work on the podcast.

At all.

Again.

And when I thought about the Page of Swords reversed...

That started bothering me.

Your energy blooms where your dreams are.

Okay.

So where did my energy actually go today?

I painted the studio.

Yes, the studio is for the podcast.

But painting the studio isn't recording the podcast.

I cleaned the house.

It absolutely needed to be done.

But cleaning the house isn't recording the podcast.

I created a beautiful environment.

I enjoyed an unexpected dinner.

I had a memorable summer evening.

And I don't want to give any of those things up.

That's important to me.

I don't want to build a business that requires me to miss my entire life while I'm building it.

No thank you.

I want the pretty house.

I want summer dinners.

I want kayaking.

I want yoga.

I want my relationship.

I want spontaneous moments.

I want my business too.

All of it.

But there's a difference between living a full life and filling my day with worthwhile things so I don't have to do the one thing that's making me uncomfortable.

That's what I have to be willing to look at.

Because video is uncomfortable for me right now.

I'm learning.

I've had problems.

I've spent hours trying.

Things haven't worked.

I've already been frustrated by it several times.

Meanwhile...

I'm very good at cleaning my house.

I'm perfectly capable of painting a wall.

I know how to teach yoga.

I know how to go for a walk.

There are approximately fourteen thousand things I could accomplish instead of sitting in front of that camera.

And today...

Apparently I found several of them.

Where Your Energy Goes Matters

That's the contradiction I'm sitting with tonight.

I believe deeply in creating a life that feels good while you're pursuing your goals.

I'm not interested in hustling myself into the ground.

I don't believe every beautiful moment should be sacrificed because there is always another task on the list.

There will always be another task.

But I also can't use that philosophy to hide from the part of the dream that feels hard.

That's not balance.

That's avoidance wearing a really cute outfit.

So tomorrow, the podcast needs actual energy.

Not thinking about it.

Not preparing the studio for it.

Not shopping for equipment.

Not rewriting another plan about how I'm going to do it.

Not telling myself how important it is.

Doing it.

Because if my energy really does bloom where my dreams are...

At some point, I have to plant my energy directly into the dream.

Today's Lesson

A full day isn't automatically a day spent moving toward what matters most.

Everything I did today was worthwhile.

And I still have to admit that I didn't do the thing I most needed to move forward.

Both can be true.

I can create a beautiful life and challenge myself to stop avoiding the uncomfortable parts of the future I'm trying to build.

So tomorrow...

The podcast gets some energy.