Day 4: Release What’s Keeping You Stuck

Four hours.

Maybe.

That's about how much sleep I got last night.

I woke up around 5:30 a.m. completely exhausted after lying awake until almost one o'clock thinking about that podcast.

My brain had wanted me to get back up and finish it.

My body had very different ideas.

So when morning came, I was feeling every one of those missing hours.

Still...

Day 4.

I reached for my first 30 ounces of water, got myself together, and headed out for my morning walk.

There wasn't some magical sunrise moment where suddenly I wasn't tired anymore.

I just walked.

Up the hills.

Down the hills.

One foot in front of the other.

Sometimes showing up is exciting.

Sometimes it's literally just putting on your shoes and going.

The World Reversed

During my morning devotion, I pulled The World reversed.

My message from the card was simple:

Release what's keeping you stuck.

Well.

That's timely.

Because for several days now, I've been trying so hard to get my first video podcast recorded.

I've rearranged schedules.

Moved clients.

Spent hours recording.

Tried editing.

Deleted a recording.

Reworked the script.

Stayed awake thinking about it.

And now my ring light is broken.

At some point I have to ask myself:

Am I actually moving this forward, or am I circling the same problem?

That's what The World reversed had me thinking about.

Sometimes the thing keeping you stuck isn't the goal.

Sometimes it's the way you've decided the goal has to happen.

I don't want to release the podcast.

Quite the opposite.

I really want to get this video podcast going.

But maybe I need to release my attachment to how I thought this first episode was supposed to happen.

Back to My Morning

When I got home from my walk, I read my ten pages and made my usual breakfast.

Two eggs.

Two turkey sausage links.

Half a small avocado.

A slice of sourdough.

Black coffee.

Then I wrote yesterday's blog and did my quick house reset.

And I was already noticing something about these mornings.

Even exhausted, I didn't have much to decide.

Water.

Walk.

Breakfast.

Reading.

Blog.

Move on.

That's exactly why I set it up this way.

My Free Day Wasn't Free Anymore

Wednesday was supposed to be my open day.

I had intentionally kept it free so I could stay home and work consistently on the office side of my business.

No running around.

No clients.

Just uninterrupted work.

Except...

Remember the two clients I moved yesterday so I could spend four hours trying to record the podcast?

They still needed to be seen.

Moving something doesn't make it disappear.

It just moves it somewhere else.

And apparently that somewhere else was Wednesday.

So my wide-open workday wasn't wide open anymore.

I went to see my clients.

And I still didn't have a podcast ready to go.

That's the frustrating part.

I am trying.

Really trying.

Then, because apparently video podcasting hasn't taught me enough lessons yet...

My ring light broke.

Of course it did.

So now I need a new ring light too.

Cool.

Add it to the list.

Maybe the Goal Isn't the Problem

There was a point where I could feel myself slipping back into that same mindset:

I have to get this done.

I'm already behind.

Push harder.

Make it work.

Except...

I've been pushing.

And pushing hasn't solved the problem.

That's where The World reversed came back into my mind.

Release what's keeping you stuck.

Maybe releasing doesn't mean abandoning something.

Maybe sometimes it means releasing the expectation.

The timeline.

The method.

The idea that because you originally planned to do something one way, you now have to keep doing it that way no matter how badly it's working.

I can be stubborn.

Once I decide something should happen a certain way, I can keep pushing against that same door for way too long.

But the goal isn't to prove I can force the door open.

The goal is to get where I'm trying to go.

Maybe there's another door.

Caprese... Sort Of

My Seasonal Embodiment Calendar had a much easier assignment for me today.

Have a Caprese salad.

Tomatoes.

Mozzarella.

Basil.

Summer on a plate.

The plan was to make it with tomatoes from our garden.

Except our tomatoes apparently don't care about my calendar because they aren't ripe yet.

Okay then.

I'm not arguing with a tomato.

So I did the next best thing.

I grabbed a Caprese sandwich from Starbucks.

Was that technically the Caprese salad on my calendar?

Nope.

Do I care?

Also nope.

I still got the tomato.

The mozzarella.

The basil.

The whole summer Caprese situation.

And that's actually exactly how I want my Embodiment Calendar to work.

It's not another challenge.

It's not another list I'm supposed to perfectly complete.

It's there to remind me to participate in the season I'm living in.

A couple days ago, I planned to pick sunflowers myself.

I couldn't get to the farm.

My partner brought me a bouquet instead.

Today I planned to eat tomatoes from my garden.

They weren't ready.

Starbucks had tomatoes.

Life continued.

The intention matters more to me than performing the plan perfectly.

Apparently 100 Degrees Is Cooler Now

By the time evening arrived, I wasn't hungry.

It was still around 100 degrees, and summer has one definite advantage when you're trying to stay in a cut:

Sometimes it's just too hot to eat.

So I didn't make dinner.

I wasn't hungry, and I'm not going to force myself to eat a full meal simply because the clock says it's dinner time.

I had already finished the water I needed for the day, but with the heat, I was still thirsty.

So I drank another 30 ounces.

That's becoming one of my favorite things about the way I'm handling water this attempt.

I'm getting it done earlier.

There's no nine-o'clock panic.

No sitting there staring at half a gallon wondering how I'm supposed to get it down before bed.

If I drink more afterward, it's because I'm thirsty.

Much better.

Ending the Day With Yoga

And then I ended the night with yoga.

Which, after the last couple of days, was probably exactly what I needed.

I had spent so much time thinking.

Problem-solving.

Trying to figure out the podcast.

Running around seeing clients.

Thinking about everything I still hadn't gotten done.

Yoga gave me an hour where I didn't need to solve anything.

Just breathe.

Move.

Stretch.

Be in my body instead of living entirely inside my head.

There was something almost funny about ending a day centered around releasing what's keeping me stuck with yoga.

Because sometimes letting go isn't another thing you figure out intellectually.

Sometimes you need to stop analyzing it long enough to actually feel yourself loosen your grip.

Day 4

Today wasn't glamorous.

I was running on four hours of sleep.

My free day disappeared.

My ring light broke.

The podcast still wasn't ready.

My tomatoes weren't ripe.

I didn't eat dinner.

But I walked.

I drank my water.

I read.

I worked.

I handled my clients.

And I finished the day on my mat.

More importantly, I started questioning what I've been forcing.

Because when we feel stuck, the instinct is usually:

Try harder.

Hold tighter.

Do more.

But maybe that's not always the answer.

Sometimes the thing that moves you forward is finally being willing to release something.

Not necessarily the dream.

Not necessarily the goal.

Sometimes it's just the version of the plan that isn't working anymore.

Today's Lesson

Release what's keeping you stuck.

You don't always have to release what you want.

Sometimes you keep the destination...

and let go of your attachment to exactly how you're supposed to get there.

That's what I'm practicing today.

Stay... stay... stay aligned and activated.